February Champions League Matchup to see

David Beckham vs Manchester United

Just days before the UEFA Champions League draw in Nyon, Golden Balls stated his dream of facing Manchester United as he returns to AC Milan for a second loan spell.

Your wish is my command Sir!

Becks will face Sir Alex Ferguson and his mighty Red Devils in the Round of 16. After some 265 games in a United jersey, England's finest dead-ball specialist will now take aim at the man who famously caught him with a flying boot in the dressing room.

Can Beckham rally an ageing Milan side who seem to be having trouble regaining their status as one of Europe's biggest clubs or will Ferguson be shaking hands with the England midfielder after the game with a smirk on his face?

The last time Beckham represented Milan, he became an instant hero for the Rossenneri.

This will be one of Beckham's biggest games in an illustrious career. Can he boot the Red Devils out of Europe? Pun intended!

Jose Mourinho vs Chelsea

As the media eagerly anticipated the Round of 16 Draw in Nyon, the main talking point was whether ‘The Special One' will be presented with a tie against his former side.

Just like Beckham vs United, fate had it that Mourinho should be given a chance to face Carlo Ancelotti's Blues.

Ironic as it may be, Mourinho could be the same man hired by Roman Abramovich to win the Champions League trophy could be the one to thwart the Russian mogul's longtime dream.

The Portuguese shaped and groomed his current side into a similar style he imprinted on Chelsea so this tie will most likely come down to individual brilliance.

Will Samuel Eto'o give Mourinho bragging rights at least till the next time the two sides meet or can Didier Drogba come back to haunt his favourite manager?

Old Momentos

Came across this old momentos...

Dreams are my reality....

Read the clock

"Teach a kid to read the clock and forever that one your good deed of yours will be rewarded."
That sentence from an old friend, although sounded simple but kept me thinking all week. I never thought or looked at the small deeds we made to other people that way before. Teaching how to use Facebook, or turning on the paragraph marks when typing in Words, or what the acronym KIV means etc. Now each day, I look forward to teaching/showing someone new things. My own kids, other kids, my colleagues, total strangers, girlfriends, wives and heck even my bosses. How different I am looking at the world and life now - giving, giving and giving.

All too familiar sight

Banchau

This is a drink (non-alcoholic cocktail sort of) consisting thick red syrup, fresh milk, black seaweed gelatin and sprinkle of cream soda. Its an acronym of two original drinks; BANdung - all the above mix except the black seaweed, and chin-CHAU - sugary black seaweed served with cold ice.
Back to the real story - which I would regard as an enigma.
My friends and I were finishing up on our discussion that night, as we descend someone suggested for a cuppa downstairs, which four of us obliged. We reached down and saying goodbyes to those who decided to leave, we scanned and scouted a spruced up resto few doors away. As we made our way, I noticed the old style round wood stools al-fresco style setting were all on the table, as if the business is closed for the day. Some black uniformed waiters were happily eating nearby. We waved at them and asked whether they were already closed this early, but few of the them waved back and said go ahead and have the seat.
We duly helped ourselves with the stools and as one of the waitresses made her way, we began ordering drinks - mostly for us above forty - hot drinks. A newly minted menu was shown but I didn't take notice (at first) as I ordered myself a 'real' black coffee.
Shortly, to our surprises, we began receiving a big plate of cold mixed fruits and 3 full glass of this local cocktail mix. None among us ordered those and in perplexing voice we inquired. Much to our relief and also a sudden eureka, the fruits and cold drinks were on the house. Reasons:
We are their official first customers although they are not officially open that night. The resto will only be officially opened for business next morning!!!

Non Appearances

As news of my possible 'non-appearance' for our high-school reunion dinner this Saturday, I began to receive calls and text messages form the usual suspects. One even asked me to check the growing thread on the organiser's chair person's FB where he casually but specifically mentioned about my non-attendance.
Dang, I was silently anticipating this reaction actually, admittedly more of like an ego boosting trip. Checking on the FB later that night showed even those that I hardly knew or unexpected made pleas for me to reconsider. Thanks guys, and I appreciated the acknowledgements.
The real official cause is clash of schedule due to another event of a rather personal family friend at the same time but few hundred kilometers away. That and also more personal dilemma that I would consider a necessary sacrifice for the sake of the beloved ones.
Nevertheless, among the calls was the MC of the night's request for me to attend the reunion committee final prep in the evening. I had to oblige, especially to preview the presentation materials that includes my contri - my poem.
I arrived just as the committee began to setup the slide projector, and the committee members began to inquire my predicament and made suggestions, some ludicrously possible but I could only smile politely.
As the night went by, few more bright ideas from me were accepted - engage video-man for the event (diligently achieved by making few calls to few well connected and successful ex-high school mates for sponsorship), the presentation will be stretched longer by delaying the timing since it will be during buffet meal, and a more passionate rendition voice over of the poem at the end. The committee made one last attempt to persuade me to attend by requiring my live rendition of the poem instead. Good attempt but tough luck though.
I am sure the event will be a successful one. Last count the numbers confirmed has reached 110 ex-students.
I wished I am courageous enough to make an appearance - who knows, maybe I would.

Abang

Came across this article by Zaidel in Malaysian Insider
-------------------------------------------------------
Someone in Lowyat started this thread called "Why do Malays call their husbands Abang?" He was just wondering why Malay women called their sweethearts "big brother". It sounded weird to him and quite incestous in a way.

Definition

"Abang" means older brother in Malay. It is often used in Malay families when one addresses their older male siblings. Malay families (mostly) find it rather disrespectful to address their older sibling by their first name alone. So as a sign of respect the word “abang” is usually placed before the person's name or nickname e.g. "Abang Zali” or “Abang Long"; for older female siblings the word "kakak" is used. Abang is also used in daily conversation, be it with strangers or acquaintances. People prefer to use the word abang to refer to their slightly older male counterparts or seniors as a sign of respect, a culture that one naturally carries from the family to office, university or school.

From asking for directions of a stranger to ordering drinks, abang is often used. This is because people like to introduce a feeling of respect, cordial and pleasantness into the conversation; it’s like every conversation is with a family member. Indeed this is something truly Malaysian that breaks through the racial boundary. There’s the saying that everyone in Malaysia is someone related to you, they're either an abang, kakak, uncle, auntie, macha or boss.

This is perhaps the first step into understanding why Malay women call their sweethearts “abang”. It's because it is a nickname that has a feeling of respect, adoration, closeness and, most importantly, love. She calls him “Abang” and he calls her “Sayang”. See it even rhymes nicely.

Psychology 101

When you watch “Young and Dangerous”, a Cantonese gangster movie starring Ekin Cheng, you notice that the gang bosses are called “Tai Lo” or big brother in Cantonese. Their Tai Lo, apart from being their boss, is at the same time their guide, protector and also someone the rest of the gang members look up to. Chan Ho Nam is the Tai Lo in “Hung-Hing”, meaning whenever there is trouble and people want to settle things they would call him to have a “slow talk”.

Now the same reasoning can be applied in the abang factor. It’s not saying that Malay families are run like gangsters, it’s just that women (no matter how modern) would always want their man to be their protector, the one who they can count on when there’s trouble. It’s like when girls are being bullied by the naughty neighbourhood kid, their big brothers would come and beat him up. So now their sweethearts will take the role of their older siblings. He’d come and beat up the jerk and whom she can depend on when things get rough. This is why he is called “abang” — he’s the new big brother, the new Tai Lo or in a more romantic sense, her knight in shining armour.

Pronunciation

When a cute female anime character calls a male character “Oni Chan” in an annoyingly cute high-pitched voice, their male fans would get all giddy and excite. When it comes to “abang” in Malay it’s all about how you pronounce it. There a difference between an “abang” the big brother, “abang teh o ais satu” and “abang sayang”.

When it comes to ordering “teh o ais” it’s fairly easy to do as no one says “abang teh o ais satu”. Since this is a rather mundane and short social interaction, usually people would use the more casual form which is “bang”. The same rule can be applied to other forms of “abang” usage in daily conversation.

But it gets tricky when it comes to husbands/boyfriends and the pronunciation depends on the situation. Remember this maxim it’s not what you say but how you say it. Generally there are three ways of saying “abang” to your loved ones

Abaang — The “A” slightly longer then the sibling “abang” and generally used in daily conversation. People can tell that you mean your husband by just listening to the way you pronounce it e.g. “Abaang, jom makan kat luar hari ni.” Or “Abaang jangan lupa beli beras.”

Abang! — The way you pronounce, it is “A”, slight pause, “Bang” and to be used when one is angry or annoyed e.g. “Abang! Siapa perempuan ni? Cakap!”

Abaaaaanngg — To be pronounced with a very long “A” and a fading effect on the “NG” sort of like purring. This is what one call as the “manja” (affectionate) “abang”. To be used during intimate moments or asking for a favour. Generally straight Malay men will melt when hearing this form of “abang” and this works all the time. Culturally this form is usually used on Friday nights, Islamic calendar of course.

Then there’s the naughty “abang” but since I have a word limit here so we’re going to skip that one. In case you’re wondering how to pronounce it, let’s just say it’s about the same as when one says “Papa Jahat!”

So to ‘/k @ lowyat.net’ (and my fellow readers) I hope you are enlightened on why the word abang is used. I started off with the definition, to the reasons and finally on how to say it and by now you should be a fine “abang” connoisseur.

Like I said before I’m not much of a social activist or an academician, I’m not into long-winded articles in explaining the definition of being Malaysian. I prefer to go into the fundamentals, the basic, to me if we want to be more united we ought to be closer and to be closer we got to know each other better. I hope my explanation today, which comes from no reference whatsoever except from my personal view, makes you understand a little bit more about why some people in Malaysia do certain things they do. Feel free to email me if you have any little questions and let’s get to know each other better.

So folks keep your ears open and try to guess which “abang” that “tudung” girl in office means when she’s talking on the phone.

Nothing else

I stood naked as darkness embrace,
the last drop of light, flickers into a dimming distant.
Nothing to fight for, nothing to look forward to
nothing to die for, nothing else
Fading into the background of life
brick by brick, the wall getting higher
no more laughter, nor smile
no more dawn just dusk
as the borders closing in,
the veil being requested
as sign of capitulation
dissing friendships indeed
all unforgiven, unknown, unloved
not breathing but not dying,
under the tent on the moonlit twilight
gone with hopelessness to the rolling dunes

May it be

Once in the lifetime there would be someone
who will be truly loved and forever worshipped
unique and distinct from the anyone you'd ever known
whom will be faithfully too

Yet in an unexpected circumstance
as if fate played a trick on you
you chance to meet someone else too
where at first sight you'll feel another true love

Why didn't I have met you when I wasn't with anyone
Not now when my heart already has been divided
Why didn't I meet you when I was still alone
Who will I love?
May it be you

You hardly realized
that every moment spend with
you are into her, as one soul
Each and every moment
is full of happiness and laughter
the feeling is unique and mutual

and yet in an unexpected circumstance
as if fate played a trick on us
We suddenly find ourselves hugging each other
lips came a closer
questios in the eyes are answered
with hope

Time and Fate

Who is coming?
Who is going?
Let time tells
Let fate decides

From moment like this, as time and fate defers
trails of those places, coming and going
odd and strange but understandable
accepting fate as time beckons

waiting is the curse for being
but promises only ones to keep
as end nears
glimpses of memories lingers
being there among the sand dunes
witnessed by the wind and stars
for the tears that was shed

Faithfully

Highway run
Into the midnight sun
Wheels go 'round and 'round
You're on my mind
Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight
Sendin' all my love
Along the wire

They say that the road
Ain't no place to start a family
Right down the line
It's been you and me
Lovin' a music man
Ain't all it's supposed to be
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile
Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you

And being apart ain't easy
On this love affair
Two strangers learn
To fall in love again
I get the joy
Of rediscovering you
Oh girl, you stand by me
I'm forever yours
Faithfully

Have I Told You Lately

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

For the morning sun and all it's glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort, too
You fill my heart with laughter
Somehow, you make it better
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun
And at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray
To the one, to the one

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one else above you
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Take away my sadness, fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Take away my sadness, fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Baby, I Love Your Way

Shadows grow so long before my eyes
And they're moving across the page
Suddenly the day turns into night
Far away from the city
Well, don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...

Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday
Gonna tell you I love your way, everyday
Wanna be with you night and day
Moon appears to shine and light the skies
With the help of some firefly
Wonder how they have the power to shine
I can see them under the pine
But don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...

Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday
Gonna tell you I love your way, everyday
Wanna be with you night and day

But don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...
I can see the sunset in your eyes
Brown and grey, blue besides
Clouds are stalking islands in the sun
Wish I could buy one out of season
But don't hesitate, 'cause your love won't wait...

Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday
Gonna tell you I love your way, everyday
Wanna be with you night and day

Dubai FUBAR

Dubai had gone hog wild with unimaginably expensive and downright silly investments in dream city real estate projects which are now turning out to be the mirage one could see shimmering over the sand dunes all along.
...
I suppose that building a gigantic indoor snow skiing facility in a desert sheikdom as the outdoors bake away at 120 degrees Fahrenheit (And that is in the shade if you can find any) has got to be a fabulously profitable idea. Wonder what the lift ticket costs. One has to wonder if the motive for building the world's tallest building in such an inhospitable environment (Just think of the cooling costs) was profitability or plain megalomania. Did the investors realize that as "partners" with investments that pay no interest they may also be responsible for the losses?
...
Well, the way it works (even for the peanut issues) is that under Sharia laws you can still issue a note of indebtedness, sovereign bonds and take up loans, but instead of the usual formula of getting a percentage of interest payments and installments of principal plus interest over a set period of time, you get instead, a "participatory interest" in a specific project for which the loan is to be granted. A bit convoluted. Does it work? Not really.
...
Roughly speaking, under islamic law, lenders and borrowers are quasi partners. Very roughly speaking of course, because there are some further devilish details.
...
It is simply money loaned on faith.
No big deal. I know lots of people that loaned out their money on just faith and belief and got hosed right here close at home. No need to go to Dubai for that.
...
Actually there is no legal recourse to collect by investors. The islamic underlying rule for a Sukuk bond is that investors are partners and therefore must accept the losses since there is no guarantee of profit. Unbelievable as it may sound to western ears, a promise to pay back capital is against islamic rules. Yup, the unbelievers have been left in utter disbelief.
...
Although islamic law considers non payment of a debt a crime and Dubai does not have a bankruptcy procedure, a scapegoat has been set up. His name is Aidan Birkett, a partner in Deloitte.
...
Frankly I can't see how he will manage to put lipstick on a swinish bond that has neither interest nor any credit rating whatsoever.

Puisi Anak Teknika

Managed to finished the final draft 'poem' of our high school 25th year reunion.
Unfortunately, I won't be able to make time to attend due to another close collegue's marriage reception the very same night.
My contribution...
(Actually I was rather divided between writing in english or malay, but upon a moment of brilliance and sudden gush of nostalgic feelings the other day, the words seemed to fly....)
-----

Sehening February 1983
titis titis keramat embun dinihari, mula dijamah kilauan suria pagi
Tatkala pinggir-pinggir kotaraya,
Tenteram menyambut kita tiba,

Anak-anak bangsa
wajah-wajah segar penuh azam nan membara
bakal wirawan dan wirawati negara
bakal meredah ruang maya, ilmu dan cipta
tekad merebut cebis-cebis riwayat masa
mengisi fakta pada ruang-ruang di jemala
diiring berkat doa keluarga tercinta

TIKL menghampar diri,
terbuka dengan rela dan redha menatang dada
menongkat tatih-tatih berani kita
anak-anak jati,
pada erti ilmu kepalang ajar
pada erti setia hidup dan cinta
Seiringan dihidang gelak tawa
menjamah zaman remaja
menghirup nafas-nafas budaya
gagah gemalai membuka mata

Guru-guru, pengetua, warden asrama
bengis manja meminta setia kita
pada runut-runut ilmu yang dijaja
menjengah ruang cebisan riwayat kini berirama
sedia mengharung alam dewasa

namun,
kalungan doa rakan-rakan yang gugur
ibarat bunga-bunga yang belum kembang
kembali pada Illahi menyerah fana

kini
lihat anak-anak Teknika itu,
di sini, waktu dan ketika ini
kamu semua
bergenang mengimbau kenangan sepintas drama
keinsafan pada masa-masa berlalu
pegun sejenak

bangun anak-anak Teknika dewasa
lihatlah dunia

Closing in

The wide spaces
that used to allow me to dance
now is filled with wary distrust
Its no longer a place to be.
The cool wind,
that swipes across my face
now a stale unbearable heat.
Its no longer a breeze.
The lovely voices
that used to greet my Fridays,
now is a muted echo
Its no longer heard, just silent.
The chukling laughter
that lights up my moments of madness
now just a distant smirk
Its just a sorrowful grief.

Knife

Parable

This mark welded with my skin
Speaks of the night I burnt myself
In the past, I’d be scalded:
Hot soups, frying oil, steam
From kettle spouts; and blistered
By iron and ovens. Stainless
Steel on gas; in second heat
Invaded skin when my arm,
Forgetting grazed wok’s rim
Tho wound stretched, red-brown like beef
Slivers sizzling in oyster sance

I’d rubbed ice to cool it down
To stop blister forming,
Healed to elliptic scar, a gem
Without encircling bracelet sits,
Dead centre, 5 cm. above right wrist,
An amulet to wear, topaz
To seal forgotten heat
Some lesson ought to be drawn from this
Yet other scar succeed, from slips
And falls that trip and spurn – always
I forget the searing burns

scar

WHY WORRY

Baby I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into grey

Why worry, there should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now

Baby when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
I know it isn't hard to say
But baby just when this world seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way

Why worry, there should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now

Perspective on life according to George Costanza

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?!?
I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, go collect all your super, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen."

Just for a moment

Just for a moment
the familiar feelings deep inside
seemed to have vanished
lost in the clutter of silence
muted at the demand of carelessness
shunned by the presence of new charms

Just for a moment
As the feelings subsides
never to have recovered
distant dreams and hopes
for once
for the longest time
reaching
within the calamity of despair
to the tune of a quite song
leads the balmy path
into a certain never never promises
a lie that sets it free

Just for a moment
smile
pray for happiness

When You Say Nothing At All

to my wife...

Donkey's Ass

The story of the donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well... The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway;
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW .......

The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

How many ways can you love someone... or not love someone...?

Things you only know if you're single…

...that “I love you” may mean: I want to love you; I love this; do that again; don’t leave; I feel I should love you; I love ****ing you; my previous boyfriend/girlfriend would never have done that; I’m sorry; I appear to like you more than all the others; shush; do what I want; you are infuriating; this silence embarrasses me; I have to go; I feel old; I feel responsible; I feel obliged to love you back; help me; I’m ending this; life without you may be preferable, but would be terrifying, rudderless, unknown; everyone else seems to love you; I love the look of you; stop shouting; I’m punching above my weight; I would appear to be in some way addicted to you; seeing you with someone else makes my chest hurt; there must be a reason why I have never felt more awful; I think about you as a way of not thinking about something else; I hate you; that song is playing; you cause me more pain than other people; I’m tired of being on my own; it’s comfortable having you around; I am sick of everyone else coming in two by two; you fit the definition of someone I might be expected to love; you appear to love me; I’m exhausted so this will suffice; loving someone makes me look like a functional human being; you make things easier while not yet having become an albatross about my neck; I’m tired of myself; Christmas/Chanukkah/Kwanzaa is coming up; I love myself in your company; you pay me the requisite attention; I relish our sense of conspiracy; you are a(nother) glorious and necessary distraction from my inglorious and unnecessary existence; you unnerve me; you raise my game; say that you love me.

Hannah Betts

Love Always Finds a Reason

Glenn Mederios vs Peabo Bryson

Reminiscing School Years

Received a call this morning. The highschool reunion committee member wants me to do a writeup for the reunion presentation. Time to put up my thinking cap and start reminiscing. Maybe I could go back to few of my earlier entries here. The 2 teenage growing up years spent in a troublesome urban boarding school. Memories come flooding and I am letting my writings flows.

Now And Forever

Whenever I'm weary
From the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
When my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seem to understand
Now and forever I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune
That heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
And if I'd only known you were there all the time
All this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever I will be your man

Is It Okay If I Call You Mine - Paul McCrane

Is it ok if I call you mine just for a time?
And I will be just fine
If I know that you know that I'm wanting, needing your love

If I ask of you is it alright
If I ask you to hold me tight
through a cold dark night
'cause there may be a cloudy day inside
and I need to let you know that I might be needing your love ooohh

And what I'm trying to say isn't really new
It's just the things that happen to me when I'm reminded of you

Like when I hear your name
or see a place that you've been
or see a picture of your grin
or pass a house that you've been in one time or another
it sets off something in me I can't explain
and I can't wait to see you again
Oh babe I love your love ooohh

And what I'm trying to say isn't really new
It's just the things that happen to me when I'm reminded of you

We've Got Tonight

I know it's late
I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are
Both of us lonely

Longing for shelter from all that we see
Why should we worry?
No one will care, girl
Look at the stars now, so far away

We've got tonight
Who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight, babe, why don't you stay?

Deep in my soul
I've been so lonely
All of my hopes now so fading away
I've longed for love
Like everyone else does
I know I'll keep searching after today

So there it is, girl
We've got it all now
And here we are, babe
What do you say?

We've got tonight
Who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight, babe, why don't we stay?

I know it's late and I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are
Both of us lonely , both of us lonely

We've got tonight
Who needs tomorrow?
Let's make it last
Let's find a way
Turn out the light, come take my hand now
We've got tonight, babe, why don't we stay?
We've got tonight, babe, why don't we stay?

I Knew I Loved You

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

I'll Never Love this Way Again

You look inside my fantasies
And make each one come true
Something no one else had ever found a way to do
I've kept the memories one by one
Since you took me in
I know I'll never love this way again

I know I'll never love this way again
So I keep holding on before the good is gone
I know I'll never love this way again
Hold on, hold on, hold on

A fool will lose tomorrow
Reaching out for yesterday
I won't turn my head in sorrow
If you should go away

I'll stand here and remember
Just how good it's been
And I know I'll never love this way again

I know I'll never love this way again
So I keep holding on before the good is gone
I know I'll never love this way again
Hold on, hold on, hold on

Should Have Known Better

And I shoulda known better
To lie to one as beautiful as you
Yeah, I should have known better
To take a chance on ever losing you
But I thought you'd understand
Can you forgive me

I saw you walking by the other day
I know that you saw me, you turned away
And I was lost
You see, I've never loved no one as much as you
I've fooled around but tell me now just who is hurtin' who

And I should have known better
To lie to one as beautiful as you
Yeah, I should have known better
To take a chance on ever losin' you
But I thought you'd understand
Can you forgive me

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
Shoulda known better
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
Shoulda known better

It's true, I took our love for granted all along
And trying to explain where I went wrong
I just don't know
I cry but tears don't seem to help me carry on
Now there is no chance you'll come back home, got too much pride

And I should have known better
To lie to one as beautiful as you
Yeah, I should have known better
To take a chance on ever losing you
But I thought you'd understand
Can you forgive me
Ughh
I love you
I love you

No I love you
No, yeah
And I should have known better
To lie to one as beautiful as you

Always - Jon Bon Jovi

This Romeo is bleeding, But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings, That this old dog kicked up.

It's been raining since you left me, Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter, But without you I give up.

Now I can't sing a love song, Like the way it's ment to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore, But baby that's just me.

And I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always.

Now your pictures that you left behind, Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say good bye.

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes I'm just a man.

When he holds you close
When he pulls you near
When he says the words
You've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him, that his words were mine
To say to you till the end of time.

That I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
If you told me to cry for you I could
If you told me to die for you I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you.

Well there ain't no luck in these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines.

And I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always.

Hands to Heaven

As I watch you move, across the moonlit room
There's so much tenderness in your loving
Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve
God give me strength when I am leaving...
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness
As we move to embrace, tears run down your face
I whisper words of love, so softly
I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane
Without your touch, life will be lonely
So raise your hands to heaven and pray
That we'll be back together someday
Tonight, I need your sweet caress
Hold me in the darkness
Tonight, you calm my restlessness
You relieve my sadness
Morning has come, another day
I must pack my bags and say goodbye...

Overkill - Men at Work

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perahaps its just my imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation

At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It's just overkill

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat, shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

Crush

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
(Goin' away)
(Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy)
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
(Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy)
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
(Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy)
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go

Your Body Is Wonderland - John Mayers

We've got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I've left to do
Discover me
Discovering you

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love
We'll make it
Swimming in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland

There's something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

You want love?
We'll make it
Swimming in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland

Damn baby
You frustrate me
I know you're mine, all mine, all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

Your body is a wonderland
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
Your body is a wonderland

Close To You

Carpenters widget by 6L &

Lost Notes

24/06/08
If I could bring back the time,
sana you should have just stick in your intention before,
that you would not love me,
that I would be just like another woman.
Sana, we wouldn't have dreamt of being together
and having a family of our own.
Sana, you didn't care for me or love me.
Sana I did not have this hope to be with you.
Sana, everything wasn't true.
Maybe you could not hurt me this much
and I will not care even if you leave.
But that is not the case.
I hope and believe you.
Until when you would have the courage to make us a reality.
....
....
....
Maybe I was right, that you just don't realize it,
that you already gave up even before you left.
that you only feel sorry for me.
Ang sakit sakit lang eh.
Because I love you so much.
I love you so much.
But I don't think you will allow us to be part of you
....
....
....

It was the best of times...

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way." Charles Dickens.

Something Stupid...

Room Cleaning

Came across some memorabilia that was well kept. It was not forgotten.

H of H 2

So much of a coincident? Wondering out loud...

Horroscope of Horror

Buffet Business Plan

Step 1: Put together a buffet restaurant business plan.
Your buffet restaurant business plan should be comprised of at least 3 smaller plans. Your first plan should cover your business set-up. In this plan include important concerns like buffet business licenses. You might want to visit your local city hall for restaurant legal permits and you might want to call the Department of Health for food regulation guidelines. Your second plan should cover your restaurant management system. In this particular plan add details like restaurant opening hours, staff turn over and job requirements, restaurant rules and policies and pricing system. On your third plan, it should cover how to attract buffet clients. After your grand opening date, what will you do next? Do you want to use membership promos; early bird discount incentives or maybe use personalized give a way like buttons or calendars?

Step 2: Get financing and find a location.
Start up cost for a buffet restaurant business depends mostly on your licenses, location and establishment remodeling needs. First determine how you will finance these expenditures. Will you take a bank loan? Will you self finance it? Do you know someone who can finance it for you? Once you have identified a solution to financing, determine next where to start your buffet restaurant business. Talk with a real estate agent for possible locations for your establishment. Then hire an architect to help you design it then hire a contractor who can efficiently do a clean job on the physical aspects of your buffet restaurant.

Step 3: Have a delicious and attractive line of menu.
Variety in food attracts a variety of people. Hire chefs who can cook a variety of American cuisine, Spanish style or Mexican style menu, Japanese food and maybe a few picked specialty dishes. Different tastes attract a lot of buffet clients. Another idea that will separate you from other buffet business competitors is of how fast your crew refills the food on each food station and the manner they present it. Buffet clients love quick quality food service. And also make sure that all the food area is clean. Food stations will be swarmed by people who will refill their plates so expect food on the floor, counters, a lot of dishes with leftovers and a busy washroom area.

Step 4: Make records.
Know your restaurant numbers. Know your peak business hours, profit per client, and utility cost per customer. Record and monitor your inventory flow. Know the strengths and weaknesses of your buffet restaurant plan by the numbers you measure.

I Know Him SO Well

Nothing is so good it lasts eternally Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me From wanting far too much for far too long
Looking back, I could have done it differently Won a few more moments, who can tell?
But it took time to understand the man Now at least I know, I know him well

Wasn't it good, Wasn't it fine Isn't it madness he can't be mine
But in the end, he needs a little more than before
Security, he needs his fantasy and freedom I know him so well

No one in your life is with you constantly No one is completely on your side
And though I move my world to be with him Still the gap between us is too wide
Looking back, I could have played it differently Learned about the man before I fell
But I was ever so much younger then But now at least I know him well

Wasn't it good (oh so good), Wasn't it fine (so fine)
Isn't it madness he can't be mine

Didn't I know how it would go
If I knew from the start Why am I falling apart

Wasn't it fine Isn't it madness he can't be mine
But in the end, he needs a little more than before
Security, he needs his fantasy and freedom I know him so well
It took some to understand him Hoo ooh I know him so well

Informal High School Reunion

We had an informal high school reunion last night.
Actually it was almost the same buddies who had been keeping in touch since ie - Weng, Man Bola, Zaini Zainal, Amir, Max, Waltzco, Ramadan and the few, but this time around the invites went beyond this circle.
Not expecting much fun or fair for these types of gathering, I am really looking forward to meeting up with old buddies from the high school days. I would consider the 2 years with them in the boarding school was one of the highlights and the point when our future were shaped although not in its entirety.
The drive alone to the place was rather peacefully despite the area was rather notorious for night revellers. I reached there almost on the dot at 8:30 and luckily a car just pulled out from a spot opposite the restaurant. I made my way, not seeing many 'familiar faces' until i saw a long empty tables arranged conspicuously for 20 odd patrons. There's a tap on my shoulder as i walked past that group of tables, and behold Weng the organizer himself, chatting away on the hand phone giving directions to those still at lost.
We pick one end of the long table and before long, few more joined us - mostly the familiar faces. There were surprised laughter whenever a familiar face but not familiar figure made an entrance. Few unfamiliar faces that requires more jolts to the ageing memories but everyone took the next available seats without qualms. Notes began to be exchanged, firstly between the two who sat next to each other than across the table and before long, volleys of crosstalk began to fill the atmosphere. From time to time a few who would hold the group into stitches especially when friendly jabs were thrown to those who with regards to old flames and puppy loves. For a few hours, these 42 years old were like 17 again.
The best were always the last. Ahmad Radhi aka Pochong, the once 'notorious' kid that we all knew, and for a few years after our school years we were told of how lost he was when most of us were completing our colleges and universities finally came. He was a charming calm and contented man. Trying to recall our names each and everyone, trying to reconnect. I was a few lucky ones whom he recognized, well mainly due to my feminine namesake but he remembers those few troubled times during his many forced sequestered moments that we did talked about life, back then.
As nights wore thicker and midnight loomed closer, a more serious discussions took place and a resolution was made to make a formal reunion a reality this year, being the 25th years since 1984.
Pochong took helm upon request, to recite the closing prayers and we were not disspaointed but utterly touched and humbled by his choice of prayer recitals. Requesting us to say prayers to those whom has gone before us while we managed to meet up this time around. As I drove back home alone, in the calmness of an early midnight moment, reminiscing the same drives alone that I used to make where my inner resolved became stronger after each such reunions of the hearts..
I am recalling my earlier posts way back in 2006...

Always On My Mind

Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
If I made you feel second best
Girl I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

And maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your
Sweet love hasn't died
And give me
Give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied
Keep you satisfied

Little things I should have
Said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind

How to make break-up really stick

Came across this article... with a grain of salt...read the feedback from the link...

Whether or not you were together for two weeks, six months, or four years, breakups hurt. And they can be really hard to get over. If you listen to the wise words of Charlotte on Sex and the City, it takes half the time you were together to get over him. Here are a few more wise words to help make your next breakup a little easier.

Don't Talk to Him

The most crucial rule in breaking up is to not talk to the person you're breaking up with. Even if you think you can handle it and still get over the person, you can't. Don't kid yourself; feelings will get hurt. Take some time off, get over him, and maybe someday in the future you'll be friends. Until then, lick your wounds and recover any way you'd like; whether that be partying hard, staying in bed for days with pints of ice cream, or spending absurd amounts of money on clothes you don't need. No one will say a thing; we all heal in our own, weird ways.

Snap Out of It

Remember how things, like stupid songs and movies and that little spot in the park that you two went to on your first date used to be "yours"? Well, they're not anymore. Don't make a connection to platonic objects when there isn't one. Remind yourself that you like that spot in the park because of the good view, not because of anyone connected to it. There's no point losing more than you have to from a breakup, so don't get all sappy on yourself.

Reconnect with Your Friends

No matter how much you say you're not going to be that girl who gives up her friends for her boyfriend; everyone gives up a little of their time to spend with their guy. Well, now is the time to make it up to them (and, you could use the girl talk). So, go out and have fun; grab your best wing woman, and remember how much fun being single really is.

Take Some Time For Yourself

Amidst all of this trying not to talk to him, hanging out with friends, partying more and/or eating lots and lots of ice cream-you need to remember to sit back and actually work through your feelings. Understand why things went south, and why you're better off this way. And in no time you'll be back to your old self, and what's-his-name will be a thing of the past.

It's All About Rewards

And finally, do all of the little things that make you happy every day. Yep, being single means thinking about you, you, you. So, go and take that extra time after work and buy yourself that little ring you've been obsessing over. Or take a long walk and meet a friend for cupcakes because well, you can. Have fun spoiling yourself, because you deserve it after....wait, what? I'm forgetting already.

Friday...

Friday comes again without fail
I have been waiting
For Friday used to mean reconnection time
when we talk about the sun
when we fret about foods
when we share our dreams
where we gear our days next week
till next Friday
missing and longing
forever

Me and ...

...living a lifeless existence
...talk but seldom a discourse
...missing however never wanting
...appreciated then again not needed
...together and lonely
...friends but only accommodating
...bonds but separates
...intercourse but not making love
...touching but not intimate
...loving but not lovers

Plain Vanilla

This scribe in an open book - plain vanilla
All entries under scrutiny - good, bad, ugly and something in between
only those who are closest know the real meaning and intent
for that's all from my thoughts and feelings in unbridled expression
both of you, yes both of you, as for the rest, they are just in transient
stumbled upon or googled too out of curiosity and never snoop by again
you either like it or hate it, but dare ever demand to stop (well, sorta...)
If you know the scribe, you know how he ticks, his needs, his inner self...
either you care or you don't, read for whatever its worth
a selfish presence, a hardened heart,
deceitful and untruth are easier, even in silence
For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true

Bystander Analogy

"A" is driving a car.
"C" is in the car.
"B" is a bystander by the roadside
with "B" are other 6 bystanders in tow.
According to "B", "A" and "C" are having problem in the car
Accidently, the car driven by "A" ploughed "B" and the other 6 bystanders.
Both "A" and "C" despite badly shaken, are still very much alive
But "B" and the bystanders were deeply hurt physically and scarred emotionally.
"B" and the bystanders, whom are innocent and happened to be in "A" and "C" 's way didn't deserved all that is happening to them.
= as conveyed during theraphy

Mutual Understanding

Things to know of those who have MU relationship - mutual understanding
#1 Don't expect too much. There is no commitment between both of you.
#2 You can get jealous and sulking. But you cannot get angry over it.
#3 You can date others, and don't need to let her/him know or obtain permission
#4 You can be sweet to him/her. You can still hug.
#5 If and when you learnt that he/she has a gf/bf already, you can cry and you can be hurt.
But you can't blame her/him because you dont have that right (refer #1)
-----
The above is sort of ground rules for MU relationship.
Sounds hollow and might lead to an emotionally wrecking experience.
Only for those who are not serious of a relationship and only looking for self gratification without commitment.

My Way

Disorder Ramblings

It came so suddenly, the calmness has been slowly tempered.
Anger crept in easily and the rage within unconfined
Beginning to lost some kind of bearing in life,
the anchor that was solidly embedded, has began to drag sway
Please God.....
Desperate for the reach, knowing it will be ignored, again and again
Being shamed among their friends and laughed at innocent instances
Never would be thought the humiliation is to be this cruel
finding that the true love declaration is a worthless,
readily discarded despite holding for so long
whats the meaning of the shines in the finger
for that's the one sign holding dear
till the moment facing the glint in the eyes
that the love is lost, not just kept away.
(stairwell stories)

Mencari Tenang

Kenapa tenang itu tak kunjung tiba?
Sedang aku sendiri-an me-merlu-kan
Riuh suasana alam tak ter-hirau hati
me-nyepi me-rawat luka-luka darah tak henti

Di-bawah sedar, di-tertawa-kan sang 'bencinta'
hina kira-nya men-cabar ke-tentu-an tak pasti
wajah wajah kembali kejam dulu ter-sua
namun di-harung demi rasa cinta tak ter-sahut

ada kala-nya ter-cungap meng-gapai se-hirup napas
koleh-koleh udara ber-gantung-an di jemala
sayang pada aqidah, pada fana, pada Tuhan
ber-sumpah pilu men-cecah gigi-gigi air Qanat Al Qasbah

Tuhan, tenang-kan-lah diri ini
men-cari ke-redha-an, men-cari maisara yang ber-ada

For All We Know

It Might Be You

Time...
I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life
Lying on the sand watching sea birds fly
Wishing there would be
Someone waiting home for me
Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you
All of my life

Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place
Would I recognize the face
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it might be you

So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to make
And with so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life

I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you
And I'm feeling it'll just be you all of my life

The Look

"You have the same look in your face as few years back, when you are telling me of your intention take her as you wife..."

Nota Kaku

Sayang
Laungan kasih nan bisu, tak terimbau
Cahaya cinta di mata, kelam bersama masa-masa ketiduran mu
Berbicara pada hati, sepi tanpa kata
Sentuhan dingin, pada roma-roma jemari kaku

Lena ku nan sendiri, di sisi-sisi beradu
menghadap ruang-ruang kosong kelam
sepoi embunan pagi mencicah air-air genangan
dari kelopak teruris lantas menitis

Sepi
pada hati-hati yang kaku
menjauh resah
pada ikatan silam
terungkai pada simpulan akhir

(buat kekasih kekasih awal dan akhir)

Notes from September

Where should i begin? Notes in Bilingual...

6/9
Epilog...
tatkala diri sujud menunggu saat kematian hati...
menggapai dan menggarap pada sisi sisi masa
lopak lopak kering airmata terurai menitis di riba
pengakhiran janji dan cita pada dunia nan fana

7/9
pada tuhan kepasrahan terserlah alam
menyerah takdir pada insan insan sudi
melangkah bertongkatkan bekalan mimpi
menuruni tangga tangga kelam nan sepi
pada pintu kupohon dibukakan hati

8/9
doors to the stairwell is always close
safe and secure keeping miseries away
solitude for those who in need
in the arms of stillness for the hurt to heal

wake up from your dreams, to the sound of silence
finding a lost soul watching over you all this while
by the corner of the darkest steps
eminating coldness from the deepest corner of his heart

terjaga dari ketiduran leka, bersama bayu bayu dinihari
wajah wajah semalam muncul walau terlupa untuk kembali
hening suram pagi, panggillah aku pergi
meniti tangga tangga sepi, menuju sudut sudut kelam

10/9
salam pada dinihari, yang kini menjadi teman setia
berbicara pada ruang ruang kelam, meruntun, meronta sunyi
apakah ibadatku, hidupku dan matiku hanya untukNya?
moga aku tergolong dalam kumpulan insan insan fikrah

frozen moments passing bye, flashes of memories
as the steps nearing the landing, by the door that ajar
sleep well dearest lover, mother of my child
for the dawn to wake up still hasn't been near

Know Where to Stand

Know where to stand.
Whether to give chase,
when to stop and stay back or
turn away and take a walk.
Choose to pursue incessantly, one would distance further away
to be lost forever
Turn away and take a walk , and confirming the lost,
but forever be wondering and be damned.
Stop and stay back
Let it grow, help nurture whatever left
for if it was really meant to be, the love would return.

Stuck On You

Oh No

Picasa and GPS Pics

Parent's Home

My Home

I found a little trick within Picasa Picture Web Program. Well it also depends on whether your digital image capture device - dslr or handphone has in built GPS and activates prior to taking any pics. It seemed that the GPS info will be embedded with it and is you view it via Picasa and activate the map option, the place where the pic is taken will be marked on the map and we can zoom in to 50 meter radius. Cool. Imagine taking a pic of loved ones thousands of miles away and send it over and the receiver would feel much closer knowing the location of the pic.

Jangan Ada Dusta Antara Kita

No More Lies Between Us

Through The Barricades

Mother doesn't know where love has gone,
she says it must be youth that keeps us feeling strong.
See it in her face that's turned to ice,
and when she smiles she shows the lines of sacrifice.
And now I know what they're saying as our sun begins to fade,
and we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades.
Father made my history,
he fought for what he thought would set us somehow free.
He taught me what to say in school,
I learned it off by heart but now that's torn in two.
And now I know what they're saying in the music of the parade,
and we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades.
Born on different sides of life,
but we feel the same and feel all of this strife,
so come to me when I'm asleep
and we'll cross the line and dance upon the streets.
And now I know what they're saying as the drums begin to fade,
and we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades.
Oh, turn around and I'll be there,
well there's a scar right through my heart but I'll bare it again.
Oh, I thought we were the human race but we were just another borderline case,
and the stars reach down and tell us that there's always one escape.
Oh, I don't know where love has gone,
and in this troubled land desperation keeps us strong.
Friday's child is full of soul,
with nothing left to lose there's everything to go.
And now I know what they're saying,it's a terrible beauty we've made,
so we make our love on wasteland and through the barricades.
And now I know what they're saying as our hearts go to their graves,
and we made our love on wasteland and through the barricades.

Where Do Broken Hearts Go

Oooh
I know it's been some time
But there's something on my mind
You see, I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day
We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place
And the only things I've learned
Is that I need you desperately
So here I am, and can you please tell me, oh
[chorus]
Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms of a love that's waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care for me, ooh
I've been around enough to know
That dreams don't turn to gold
And that there is no easy way
No, you just can't run away
And what we had was so much more
Than we ever had before
And no matter how I try
You're always on my mind
So here I am, and can you please tell me, oh
[chorus]
Now that I am here with you
I'll never let you go
I look into your eyes
And now I know
Now I know [2x], oh
[chorus 3x]
For me
You still care for me

Shania Twain - You're Still The One Lyrics

Shania Twain - You're Still The One Lyrics

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Anecdotes...

I thought of writing about my taxi driving days in June/July. I took it up mainly as an appendix to my income. However, it became an outlet for me to relieve my internal conflict stress. Need time being alone. driving along the night KL roads. Sharing empty words with total strangers. However my inner nature has struck up few new unexpected friendship along the way.
As I collect the thoughts these lonely nights, this morning radio conversation struck me. About writing diaries or blogs and why the need to do it....
I need to....
(i left the Tithe story on draft mode... today....)

Tithe Paid

Every year during ramadan, without fail muslims all over the world would perform the 4th pillar of the Islamic tenets that is paying the personal tithe (zakat). Besides the normal tithe in the form of income tax approximately 0.4% of total cumulative tangible wealth, personal tithe is a minor form of reliever to mark the completion of inner cleansing regime endured during the month of ramadan - the month of abstinence. Personal tithe is calculated by a corresponding value of minimum food for a month requirement in accordance to the locality standard.

The husband or father would be paying the tithe for the family. My tithe zakat receipt for this year has been taken. I paid for 9! Have been paying the tithe for 9 since 2007. the least that I am doing for my part. The tithe is due yearly before the Eid day. However this year was no different despite what had transpired, I am proud to say I went and fulfill my 'obligation' a day before the eve of eid. However I won't know whether I would still pay the tithe on your behalf next year but sincerely I prayed that I would InsyaAllah.

"Verily I am paying this year's zakat for myself and on behalf of those under my personal responsibility..." as I recited those 'doa' in front of an 'amil', faces of each of them went through my head, with love. May God bless you all and become a big happy family.

Gotta Get Thru This

If only I could get through this get through this

I just, I just said, I just, said..

I gotta get through this I gotta get through this

I gotta make, gotta make it, gotta make it through

Said I'm gotta get through this I'm gotta get through this

I gotta take, gotta take my mind off you

Give me just a second and I'll be all right Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart

Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is pouring like the rain I close my eyes and it's gone again

When will I get the chance to say I love you I pretend that you're already mine

Then my heart keeps breaking every time I look into your eyes

Forever

Wojciechowski: Favre gets revenge, or something lik

Wojciechowski: Favre gets revenge, or something lik

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Morning Breath

I need to break away from this vicious life roundabout.
I need to go away, far away.
God give me strength and .....

the call

Had a long tele-conversation with an old friend. I am just lending the ear and thoughts. Seemed that she is having a mid life crisis (who else don't? lol) Seen her postings lately and noticed the nuances that shows depression taking place. I know the feeling of helplessness and despairs taking place and if not handled properly, it would lead to un-desirous tendencies. I was there and have not gotten out of it myself but I would not bear seeing any of my friends being in this deepest abyss as mine is experiencing.
Initially I was only trying to cheer her up via the postings but her response was that of a need to find an outlet. I wasn't thinking about it much today but late evening I received a message from her asking whether it is alright to talk now. I was lucky that I am already on the way home, so short detour to the nearest mall and find myself a corner table by the Starbucks, with a cappuccino latte and Greek salad.
The call came exactly 14 minutes later as promised.Its been so long since I talked to any of them, (6 or 7 years maybe?) so a nice pleasantries were due. To accommodate her, I answered few questions. Answered all of them honestly and truthfully (yes - all of them including the row i had in explaining her cheek to cheek pics with her hubby that someone mistakenly identified as me!) and including why the 'complicated status'. Later, an hour or so of shifting perspectives, alternative standpoints, chiding, scoldings, smirking, counter opinions and mindless talks, the call ended.
I realised, the call was not really about finding solutions or taking sides, but merely an outlet of releasing pent up feelings. Guessed, the decisions and way forwards for them has been playing on both of their minds and whatever is going to happen, i wish them both happy.I am glad that someone is already on her/his way out of the deep abyss of soul less existence.
Its a free service for a friend.

Note to God

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak what's in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
and for peace to mend this world
I'd say
I'd say
I'd say
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love, cause love is overdue
And it seems like so much is going wrong
On this road we're on
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find a way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness
in our hearts
I'd say
I'd say
I'd say
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love, cause love is overdue
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is going wrong
On this road we're on
No
No
We can't do it on our own
So
So
(Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love, cause love is overdue)
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is going wrong
On this road we're on
No
No
(No) We can't do it on our own
(So)
So
If I wrote a note to God

Subuh

Not a very good morning. Eli was down with flu and slight fever. And knowing how difficult she is with meds, I have to cajole her to take in diluted pcm. It didn't stop her from a noctambulating nights though. All the while, the laptop was on standby mode. Ohh by the way, I have the laptop by the bedside nowadays. No longer the need to go down to the living room in the wee hours. My new bedmate since the 'ber' months.
Right at this moment, I am feeling calmness embracing me. As I reach out for the hp and scroll to that faraway number, wanting to make a call, just to hear a voice that's been sorely missed. But my thoughts got the better of me. I might be of a nuisance and disturbance to the happiness.
Anyway, an old acquaintance requires some help yesterday. Maybe it will do me good by offering my ears (and only my ears and thoughts!) for it might take away some of my pain inside.

Winding Down

Dear Maisara,
I have to wind down today. Feeling heavy on my 'ass' from getting off the bed. Admittedly, I was awake all night after midnight. Having nothing else to do besides sleeping on the edge side of the bed (as usual), rather than keeping my mind wandering and wondering, I went online. There's tinge of hope but I began to accept it that it was going to be another lonely nights.
Anyway, morning comes and cleaning up was due. Its was really a hectic day yesterday.
I was lucky to have made preparation as soon as I gotten home. Jump right to the kitchen and use up all the ingredients, cleaning the chicken and lamb and prepare for the marination. Little that I knew then, it was the least decision made that had saved my cooking.
Later that night I was called up b the client for an ad hoc meeting to discuss potential life saving design decision for the project. The meeting was set the next morning at 9am.
So there I was, driving to work when my mind was already in 'cooking mode'.
The meeting went terribly slow and full of technicalities. The engineers keep putting in figures of disputes while the client keep punching the calculators away. In the end, I have to lay out the way-forward. Push down all that was said in writing and show the bottom line numbers for all the options. Statused them in favorite order and let the client sleep on it on the weekend.
Off I went back home because the barbecue was waiting to be grilled.
Made home slightly after noon, and the slight drizzle calmed me down.
The event went well, streams of kids came and went, doing pick-up and drop off for the faraway kids, and the same time have to sit down try to remember them names and to which kids they are friends too. The take of the day was when, Nunui picked up her new college roommates from the hostel to attend the party. The house was packed full but the atmosphere seemed worth it.
Somehow, a few times, I found myself drifted alone to a faraway place that I really wished to be.

Passport Renewed

I took time off in the afternoon to go and have my International Passport renewed today. A full 2 hours for another 5 years extension. RM300! I assumed the procedure was going to be simpler, since its only a renewal. I was only half right. I wasn't told to bring in 2 passport photographs. I have many of those in my office drawer. The officer just give me a non-chalant look and pointed out that there is a quick photo kiosk outside. Scam! The thought went through my my as I lined up for a 'not so quick' photo in the 'unfriendly kiosk, trying to make myself presentable.
To make matter worst, as I returned to the counter with the photo, my ID card wasn't able to be read by the chip scanner. But a school eraser did the trick. A few hard scrub on the chip surface, returned the shine on the touch plates and a few frantic attempt later, I was asked to scan in my thumb.
But since it was getting late, I was asked to return next week to collect the renewed passport.
Guess what I found hidden in my wallet as I was about to slip in the extra quick photos?

Sana

Despite all the activities surrounding him, his heart remains empty.
Longing for the touch that has long been inside him.
His soul less eyes, always looking behind his shoulders,wondring if the soft tap, or the silent whispers will ever be his again.
Missing the lovely husky voice in the wee hours of the morning, half asleep, half dreaming
"come back?.." as he call out
Why has he been this way since....?
As much as he tries, the feeling keeps coming back stronger
He is at lost, but at the same time more determined.
His recourse is one of a prayer.
Sana

Short Laugh

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East (Dubai)
assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in Dubai, I was very confident
that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But,
I had a problem; I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the
message through 3 posters. First poster: a man crawling through the hot
desert sand, totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our
Cola and third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were
pasted all over the place."
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't
realize that Arabs read from right to left..."