Abang

Came across this article by Zaidel in Malaysian Insider
-------------------------------------------------------
Someone in Lowyat started this thread called "Why do Malays call their husbands Abang?" He was just wondering why Malay women called their sweethearts "big brother". It sounded weird to him and quite incestous in a way.

Definition

"Abang" means older brother in Malay. It is often used in Malay families when one addresses their older male siblings. Malay families (mostly) find it rather disrespectful to address their older sibling by their first name alone. So as a sign of respect the word “abang” is usually placed before the person's name or nickname e.g. "Abang Zali” or “Abang Long"; for older female siblings the word "kakak" is used. Abang is also used in daily conversation, be it with strangers or acquaintances. People prefer to use the word abang to refer to their slightly older male counterparts or seniors as a sign of respect, a culture that one naturally carries from the family to office, university or school.

From asking for directions of a stranger to ordering drinks, abang is often used. This is because people like to introduce a feeling of respect, cordial and pleasantness into the conversation; it’s like every conversation is with a family member. Indeed this is something truly Malaysian that breaks through the racial boundary. There’s the saying that everyone in Malaysia is someone related to you, they're either an abang, kakak, uncle, auntie, macha or boss.

This is perhaps the first step into understanding why Malay women call their sweethearts “abang”. It's because it is a nickname that has a feeling of respect, adoration, closeness and, most importantly, love. She calls him “Abang” and he calls her “Sayang”. See it even rhymes nicely.

Psychology 101

When you watch “Young and Dangerous”, a Cantonese gangster movie starring Ekin Cheng, you notice that the gang bosses are called “Tai Lo” or big brother in Cantonese. Their Tai Lo, apart from being their boss, is at the same time their guide, protector and also someone the rest of the gang members look up to. Chan Ho Nam is the Tai Lo in “Hung-Hing”, meaning whenever there is trouble and people want to settle things they would call him to have a “slow talk”.

Now the same reasoning can be applied in the abang factor. It’s not saying that Malay families are run like gangsters, it’s just that women (no matter how modern) would always want their man to be their protector, the one who they can count on when there’s trouble. It’s like when girls are being bullied by the naughty neighbourhood kid, their big brothers would come and beat him up. So now their sweethearts will take the role of their older siblings. He’d come and beat up the jerk and whom she can depend on when things get rough. This is why he is called “abang” — he’s the new big brother, the new Tai Lo or in a more romantic sense, her knight in shining armour.

Pronunciation

When a cute female anime character calls a male character “Oni Chan” in an annoyingly cute high-pitched voice, their male fans would get all giddy and excite. When it comes to “abang” in Malay it’s all about how you pronounce it. There a difference between an “abang” the big brother, “abang teh o ais satu” and “abang sayang”.

When it comes to ordering “teh o ais” it’s fairly easy to do as no one says “abang teh o ais satu”. Since this is a rather mundane and short social interaction, usually people would use the more casual form which is “bang”. The same rule can be applied to other forms of “abang” usage in daily conversation.

But it gets tricky when it comes to husbands/boyfriends and the pronunciation depends on the situation. Remember this maxim it’s not what you say but how you say it. Generally there are three ways of saying “abang” to your loved ones

Abaang — The “A” slightly longer then the sibling “abang” and generally used in daily conversation. People can tell that you mean your husband by just listening to the way you pronounce it e.g. “Abaang, jom makan kat luar hari ni.” Or “Abaang jangan lupa beli beras.”

Abang! — The way you pronounce, it is “A”, slight pause, “Bang” and to be used when one is angry or annoyed e.g. “Abang! Siapa perempuan ni? Cakap!”

Abaaaaanngg — To be pronounced with a very long “A” and a fading effect on the “NG” sort of like purring. This is what one call as the “manja” (affectionate) “abang”. To be used during intimate moments or asking for a favour. Generally straight Malay men will melt when hearing this form of “abang” and this works all the time. Culturally this form is usually used on Friday nights, Islamic calendar of course.

Then there’s the naughty “abang” but since I have a word limit here so we’re going to skip that one. In case you’re wondering how to pronounce it, let’s just say it’s about the same as when one says “Papa Jahat!”

So to ‘/k @ lowyat.net’ (and my fellow readers) I hope you are enlightened on why the word abang is used. I started off with the definition, to the reasons and finally on how to say it and by now you should be a fine “abang” connoisseur.

Like I said before I’m not much of a social activist or an academician, I’m not into long-winded articles in explaining the definition of being Malaysian. I prefer to go into the fundamentals, the basic, to me if we want to be more united we ought to be closer and to be closer we got to know each other better. I hope my explanation today, which comes from no reference whatsoever except from my personal view, makes you understand a little bit more about why some people in Malaysia do certain things they do. Feel free to email me if you have any little questions and let’s get to know each other better.

So folks keep your ears open and try to guess which “abang” that “tudung” girl in office means when she’s talking on the phone.