Dear Maisara,
He misses her so much, but he was not able to openly express the feelings. He is to keep his promise to her that he wont mention anything related to that particular subject. Afraid that by doing so will push her away further. Afraid that her simmering hate will rage into disgust. Afraid that she would allow herself fallen just to be beyond reach of him, not for her own happiness.
So, whats his options? None actually. The state of despair.
He wishes to reach out and hold her hands and just to be happy for her happiness but was convinced its no longer mutual. He could guess by the way he was left out cold, where possible means of 'direct' communication were severed. Only the occassional charade of public discourse maintains the sanity. Each time he pretended not to care, the opposite seemed to happened. Just like a tease which resembles a mocking ritual of spite. Afraid that this will end up tragic for only the contant prayers keeps him in check.
"Do you have a problem with me?" - the short sentence that shook him to the core. Never would he believe such cold heartless words spewed from her. The words echoes throughout his days, every turn of the corner, that silent echo magnified forcing clear beads off his own eyes. Sadness sets in. As his knees weakens, the hands reaches out for something to hold - nothing - as he keeps falling into the deepest crevices of soullessness. Unable to fathom any forgiveness nor respite.
There he prostrated as in dying, but fully awake - he crawls in the darkness with his bare hands the heart turns into steely stone - hoping but for other reasons than love which was lost.

I really hope you've found happiness, and if you're ever in need of anything, like someone to love you, don't hesitate to call me. An Affair To Remember